(21:10) “Ki Saitzai Lamilchoma-When you go out to war.” Only when you go out to war would these relaxation’s be applicable. It would seem very difficult to understand what the Torah is saying here. We just learned that the only ones who were allowed to go out to war, were the purest of heart and without sin. These were the most righteous people. Anyone else was sent back to the camp. How can the Torah here tell us that they will see a Yifas Toar (a beautiful woman) and desire her? Also why this description Yifas Toar? Even if she weren’t a beautiful woman he would be permitted to go through this procedure. The words Yifas Toar are not needed.
Additionally we are told that if this woman is brought into the home and made a wife the end result would be ‘A Ben Sorar Umorer- a Wayward son”who would eventually be killed. Why would the Torah condone such an exercise if in the end it would come to this?
The Or Hachaim explains that in order to answer these questions we must understand why Hashem would permit a Jew to defile himself with a gentile woman. This is even more difficult since this comes at a time when Hashem is busy performing miracles for them in battle so they would suffer no casualties. We would assume that at such a time the laws of sexual purity would be tightened rather than relaxed! At such a time when Benei Yisroel must rely on Hashem how could they be indulging in their Yeter Hora? It's found in the Zohar Chadash that when Adam sinned many Neshamas, which originated in a state of Kiddusha, were taken captive by spiritually negative forces known as Sitra Achara. These Neshamas are the ones that later converted to Judaism. Many great Jews came from such Neshamas.
There are occasions when a pure Neshama is very closely attached to an impure Neshama, but the pure Neshama is unable to exert any positive influence on the impure Neshama. It therefore remains as it is until the time comes for it to be freed from its body. We find such a case by the Neshama of R.Chanina ben Tradyon whose Neshama was reputedly attached to Shechem (who raped Dinah). This is alluded to in the Torah by the letters in the word Rachavas-Yodayim (Beraishis 34:21) which form the initials of the name R.Chanina ben Tradyon, as explained by the Arizal in Likutey Torah. The Neshama of R.Chanina ben Tradyon was unable to exert a positive influence on Shechem so after the rape of Dinah that Neshama left Shechem and found its mate in Dinah. This is the meaning of the words (Beraishis 34:3) Vatidbak Nafsho B'Dinah. His soul cleaved in Dinah.
Sometimes you can find a holy Neshama mixed in with those that belong with the spiritually negative forces. Such a Neshama may be able to exert influence on the other Neshama's to the extent that they can drive out some of their evil and eventually become converts. In Koheles it states “Shomer Mitzvos Lo Yodah Rah-Guardians of Mitzvos do not know evil.” When a person is engaged in a Mitzvah there is an attachment to the Shechina that protects them from their Yetzer Hora. Such a protection would exist here when they went out to war against their Enemies. Specifically against their enemies, because it was a war of a Mitzvah. So it becomes clear that when the Torah used the words “Yefas Toar” it meant that Hashem opened the eyes of this soldier who is still engaged in performing the Mitzvah, to recognize something spiritually beautiful in this female prisoner. This Neshama is what the Torah describes as Yefas Toar. Special Neshama's radiate beautiful spiritual lights. The Torah was also very careful to write the word Bo. (21:11)Vechoshakta Bo (He Desires unto her) something within her, instead of using the words he desires her Osoh. This soldier was not infatuated with the superficial exterior of this woman but with something inside her. This explains why he must have her remain unattractive in his home for thirty days. If he can still see that something in her at that time he is permitted to marry her. Even if he chooses not to marry her there still may have been a benefit in his association with her for this period of time. The fact that he had contact with her may have shaken loose some of the evil that was attached to her Neshama and allowed possible converts to come through her. The Talmud teaches us that the case of the Ben Sorar Umorer never did occur and never will. This testifies to the fact that the taking of a Yifas Toar (a beautiful woman) was always done with the proper intentions.
Additionally the words “Yefas Toar” are specifically used here because in Gematria it equals the words “MiMamakim Krosicha Hashem-From the depths I call out to Hashem” (Tehillem 130) The sparks of Keddusha trapped in the depths of this woman, cries out to Hashem. Only a righteous Tzaddikis able to hear the cries and rescue them.